Heronissos Hotel

The hotel itself was nice and the staff were quite friendly, however we were woken up early nearly every morning from around 6:30am by the cleaners moving furniture around. Cleaners also walked in at 8am to my wife and I in bed despite the do not disturb sign displayed. The walls are quite thin so we could hear when people would go through the hallways very loudly as well. There was very little to do in the actual hotel, no entertainment for the entire week we stayed, and the food options with the all-inclusive were very limited, with only one or two options for my wife (who is a vegetarian). The beds could be comfier also. Overall the stay was not the worst holiday experience I’ve had, but it could’ve been much better.

Hotel was very basic and dated, food was the same every day and often cold, restaurant and outdoor seating not really big enough for all guests, only 1 outside bar (not ideal when cold and/or raining) limited drinks selection it smelt really bad (of sewage), as soon as you arrive they hassel you to try and upgrade the room and offered different guests different prices. We were in the part of the hotel across the road which was unmanned and open the whole time. I don't just mean unlocked I mean doors and fire escapes wedged open. We arrived quite late on the Tuesday evening and there was no food or drink available at the hotel. We went out to grab something and got into bed about 1am to find that there was sand in the bad. We asked them to change the beds first thing but they didn't. We reminded them several times throughout the day. When we got back after dinner they still hadn't changed them and when I went to reception I was told that housekeeping had gone so we would have to wait until the next day. Only had entertainment 2 nights. Lots of guests unhappy, complaining and changing rooms etc. The photos advertising the hotel are nothing like the hotel.

The location is perfect, and everything was taken care of to make our holiday special.

The fun begins the moment you set foot in the hotel. Apparently, this is where the traditional Greek welcome is replaced by the obligatory shake-down. You will be allocated what appears to be the worst room in the building, where nothing works, something smells distinctly unpleasant and the "double bed" consists of two camp beds pushed together. Charming. If you fancy an upgrade, that will be another £100, which, to be fair, isn't exactly extortionate, although the upgraded room isn't exactly going to make you question your life choices, it gets you out of that desperate situation. Naturally, there is no receipt for the upgrade, nor for the nightly Climate Crisis Resilience Fee, both of which must be paid in cash, on the spot. Very reassuring. By this point, it becomes difficult to see how anyone managed to award this place four stars. The restaurant is far too small for the number of guests, meaning mealtimes can get busy. The food selection is limited and somehow manages to make school dinners look adventurous. Spaghetti Bolognese appears to be a permanent fixture, Don't know why, nobody was eating it. I never actually tried it because it looked so spectacularly unappetising. When fish fingers and onion rings are among your culinary options, you begin to understand what you're dealing with here. There are, however, some positives. Eating out in Hersonissos is extremely cheap, and the hotel's location is actually very good. You're within easy walking distance of the promenade, numerous restaurants and plenty of opportunities to experience proper Greek food. In hindsight, this is probably where you should spend your money. And then there's the "all inclusive" experience. There isn't actually a bar inside the hotel, unless its raining. Instead, you have to wander around to the rear of the complex to the pool bar, where you're presented with a selection of spirits that taste as though they have been distilled from whatever was left over after cleaning the windows. The spirits are clearly of the cheapest possible variety and the cocktails, if you can call them that, have the unmistakable flavour of nail polish remover. The draught beer, on the other hand, is surprisingly drinkable. Unfortunately, absolutely nothing appears to be served in a proper glass. Everything goes into those flimsy little plastic party cups that collapse in your hand when you try to pick them up. Four-star hotels apparently now serve chilled red wine in plastic cups with a frothy head on top, while the beer comes completely flat. I'm sure there is a sophisticated explanation for this somewhere? You're also rationed to two small bottles of water in your room each day, meaning that if you actually want to drink water, you'll need to buy your own. An innovative approach to the all-inclusive concept. The hotel itself looks extremely dated. Imagine Soviet brutalist architecture from the 1930s, give it a fresh coat of paint approximately once every twenty years and you've got the general idea. The lifts are particularly impressive, resembling prison cell doors and apparently designed with a strict maximum occupancy of two people. To be fair, the staff are friendly and polite, but unfortunately friendly staff cannot compensate for a hotel that is simply not very good. So, to summarise: the hotel is dated, the all-inclusive package isn't worth bothering with, the food is limited and you're far better off eating out. The location, however, is excellent. If you do find yourself staying here, get out of the hotel as much as possible. Walk down to the seafront, sample the local restaurants and book a couple of excursions. The boat trip to Spinalonga is well worth doing, and a visit to the ruins at Knossos is also highly recommended. Would I stay here again? Absolutely not. Would I recommend it? Only if you enjoy paying four-star prices for what feels suspiciously like two-star accommodation, served with a side order of plastic cups and nail-polish-remover cocktails. The good news is that Crete itself is fantastic. Unfortunately, you have to leave the hotel to experience it.

We stayed here for a week at the end of September. There were six of us – me and my friend, our two 18-year-old sons, my 15-year-old daughter and my partner – and we had three rooms. We arrived at around 1am after a really easy journey and private transfer from the airport. Unfortunately, the arrival at the hotel wasn’t the best start. We were told straight away that we needed to pay €70 per room in tourist tax, so €210 altogether. We tried to pay by card but were told it had to be cash and that we needed to go to a cash machine. At 1–2am, after travelling all day and not knowing the area at all, this was really inconvenient. Luckily there was a cash machine next door. We weren’t offered a drink, water or anything on arrival either, which would have been a nice touch after travelling. The rooms were probably the biggest disappointment. Ours was extremely basic with no balcony and not even a proper mirror, so I spent the week sitting on the bed getting ready using a little handheld mirror! The rooms were clean, which is obviously important, but they definitely need updating. The boys’ room was a bit better and had separate beds and a mirror, but again, no balcony. Once we got down to the pool the following day, things improved. We always managed to get sun loungers and the pool area was nice. The all-inclusive bar is right next to the pool and the bar staff were friendly. The drinks weren’t really to my taste. Pink gin wasn’t included and I didn’t like the lemonade, so I ended up drinking gin and tonic. The measures were incredibly strong and everything was served in small plastic cups. Even when I asked for less alcohol, the measures still seemed very strong, and they wouldn’t give me a larger glass so I could dilute it more. In the end I bought Sprite and used the vodka I’d brought from duty free instead. The food was okay and the adults generally enjoyed it, but it was very repetitive and there wasn’t much choice for teenagers. Our teenagers basically lived on spaghetti bolognese, pasta and whatever potato dish was available! Chips weren’t even available every day. We ended up eating out quite a bit despite being all-inclusive. The restaurant staff themselves were lovely, friendly and helpful. One thing that did really annoy us was the cleaners sitting in a room next to ours with the window open, smoking cigarettes and scrolling on their phones. The cigarette smoke would come straight into our room, which wasn’t pleasant at all. The biggest downside for us was the lack of entertainment. The all-inclusive bar closes at 11pm and after that there’s really nothing happening at the hotel. There was a DJ one night, which was actually really good, and I think the hotel would benefit massively from doing more evenings like that and keeping the bar open later. The main strip is very close, so we went out quite a lot. Because we travelled at the end of September there weren’t many families with younger children around and it was mostly adults, but our 18-year-olds loved it. They found clubs and stayed out until all hours, so they definitely enjoyed themselves! The downside was that we’d paid for all-inclusive but still ended up spending quite a lot of money going out for drinks and meals because there wasn’t much happening at the hotel. The weather was lovely for most of the week. We had one rainy day, so we just went out and made the most of it. We also ate at Med Restaurant one evening and that was absolutely gorgeous. You’re sitting right by the beach and the food was amazing. I had the lamb gyros, with proper lamb that you pull apart yourself, and it was probably one of my favourite meals of the holiday. Overall, we had a really good laugh and made the holiday what it was ourselves. Crete is lovely and I would definitely return to Crete, but I wouldn’t return to this particular hotel. That said, we paid around £500 each for a week all-inclusive, so I do think you have to be realistic – you get what you pay for. It wasn’t the worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in by any means, it was clean, the staff in the bar and restaurant were lovely and we had a good holiday. It was just very basic and could be so much better with improved rooms, more entertainment, better drinks options and a few small touches for guests. A decent, budget all-inclusive if you’re not expecting luxury, but not somewhere we’d choose to return to.